The Hellhole
by Spyder1070
Summary: Sometimes, being Murdoc, isn't as easy as he might want others to think. ONE SHOT.


Murdoc is down in the bunker rooms, suspended over the Hellhole, when he is awkwardly woken from a nap, by the odd sensation that he is being watched. He yawns loudly, and is suddenly struck by the scent of roasting marshmallows. Crinkling his nose, he slowly turns his head to and fro, while sniffing the air, trying to locate the source of the smell without looking. Opening his eyes wide, he finally looks down and sees the other band members below him. Russel, 2D and Noodle, are sitting around the hole, with their legs dangling over the edge. They look up at the suspended bassist and give him a cheeky wave.

"Allo Muds. Want one?" asks 2D, offering the helpless bassist a mallow on a stick. Angrily Murdoc begins to struggle, but very quickly discovers that he can't break free of the force that is holding him there. Eventually he gives up and shoots them all as vicious a look as he can.

"Oi! Cut that out!" he snaps, gritting his teeth hard. Russel, who has been watching the bassists vain attempt to free himself, quickly comes to the obvious conclusion the old man is stuck fast. He smiles broadly at him and chuckles.

"Why don' yah come down 'ere an' make us?" he sneers, and pops a marshmallow in his mouth. Murdoc grimaces back at him and growls, before struggling again in an attempt to do so. After a while, exhausted and out of breath, the old man stops again and hangs there, panting and coughing, and showing the obvious signs that he really should of stopped smoking a long time ago. He eventually regains control and snarls back at the still smiling drummer.

"Smart arse." he mutters, and tries his best to ignore them. The band members do the same, much to the growing annoyance of the bassist, and he floats there quietly, listening to their giggles and conversations below him, until finally exasperated he starts to struggle again. Swearing at the top of his voice, and spitting vile threats about what he plans to do to them, if they don't _'get out of_ he_re and leave him alone.'_ His temper boils over and seems to ooze down over the band members, like some evil kind of cloud. 2D stares at him wide eyed and covers Noodle's ears, in an attempt to protect her from some of the ferocity pouring from the evil bassist mouth. But some of the foul language becomes so vile and harsh, that 2D blushes and instead covers his own ears, not really wanting to hear it himself. Russel finally looks up at the seething bassist again himself, and snorts in disgust, giving him an angry glare. Once again exhausted, Murdoc finally quietens down again.

"Humpf!" he grunts, glaring down at them again. Russel, glad that Murdoc has stopped swearing and threatening them, pops another marshmallow in his mouth and smiles, pointing at the floating man with his mallow stick.

"See where yo big fat head got yah? Stuck! An' dere ain't nuthin' yah can do 'bout it. So yah might as well get used tah it." he chuckles, pressing another mallow onto his stick. 2D accidentally drops his marshmallow, and watches as it spirals down into the hole, until eventually bursting into flames.

"Awww. An' that woz a good one to." he moans, staring sadly at the end of his stick. The bassist's mouth drops open in annoyance, and he tries to kick out at the youth, for a moment forgetting he is paralysed by the strange force holding him in place. Failing once again, he mutters a string of nonsensical grunts and noises, as the band members watch his strange wiggling dance with growing astonishment.

"WOULD YOU MIND NOT DROPPIN' YER RUBBISH IN MY HOLE!!!" he roars, making the young man flinch backwards involuntarily. 2D looks up at the fuming bassist with a sheepish grimace, as Noodle presses another mallow onto the end of his stick.

"I'm sorry Muds. It slipped." he explains and studies his new mallow, before placing it back over the hole and continuing to cook.

"Sorry Muds. Blah, blah, blah." the angry bassist mimics sarcastically. "Yer lucky if I don't come down there and..." Russel cuts him off instantly.

"Can't!" he smiles, pointing at him with his stick and waggling it from side to side. "Can't!" he repeats for emphasis, adding a wink. Murdoc rolls his eyes and looks hard at him, as the drummer chuckles into his chest and places the mallow back over the hole to cook.

"Shuddap! Yer not funny." the bassist mutters. Russel looks up and gives him a huge Cheshire cat grin, annoying Murdoc even further.

"Now if yo ass were clever, you could come down 'ere an' make me, yah dig?" Russel sneers, popping the now cooked mallow into his mouth, and reaching into the bag beside him for another, pressing it onto his stick. Murdoc slits his eyes and a sly smile creeps across his lips, as an evil plot slowly forms in his mind.

"Yeah. And if you weren't so FAT!" he snaps, putting a lot of emphasis on the word, knowing it will get a rise from the large man. "You could float up here, eh, and give me a reason to care." he continues and chuckles to himself. Russel snaps the old man an evil look. For a moment the fires raging deep in the Hellhole, seem to be reflected in the drummer's vacant white eyes. He rises slowly, dropping his mallow and stick into the pit.

"Did you jus' say summin tah me den Cracker?" he demands, stepping carefully around the hole. Happy he finally got a reaction, Murdoc giggles and flashes his shark-like teeth, confident that the large man couldn't possibly get to him from where he is. He thinks for a moment before continuing.

"I saaaaid!" the old man drawls. "You're so FAT! You look like the offspring of the Hindenburg and Moby Dick. Ah haw, haw, haw." he grins at the drummer, who now seems to have grown considerably in size, and watches as he flexes his huge meaty hands, balling them into giant sledge hammer like fists. But he remains unconcerned. 2D and Noodle look at one another for a moment, and without a word, instantly come to the conclusion this was about to get really ugly, so they quickly start packing up the mallows and things. Deciding it would be best to be as far away from it as possible. They make their rapid escape as Russel stalks carefully up and down the front of the hole, huffing and puffing at the chuckling bassist.

"Yah 'ave anythin' else tah say, afore I tear yah fat head from yah scrawny green ass?" the drummer hisses, with his nostrils flaring as he snorts in the bassists direction like a raging bull. Murdoc runs his tongue over his sharp teeth and tilts his head to his shoulder, as if thinking.

"Oh yeah. Did I mention I got a call from the 'Save the whales' people? They asked if..." at precisely that moment, a safe comes hurtling towards the bassist's head at great speed. Seeing it the old man ducks his head just in time, and looks incredulously at the drummer, spluttering in shock. "Now who throws a safe?" he finally manages. Sadly, a little too annoyed to be paying attention, he fails to see the skull that quickly follows it, and it strikes him square between the eyes, knocking him out cold. His head drops limply forwards on his shoulders and the drummer smiles broadly at him.

"I guess not den." he chuckles, dusting off his hands. He looks down at his watch and sees it's almost lunch time. "Jus' in time too. I'm starved." he mutters, cupping himself, and quickly walking from the basement.


End file.
